Pam (originally posted 30 June 2014)

Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about Pam. I guess its all linked to the recent developments with Ray which has brought her to the forefront of my mind (but then she’s never been that far from it anyway).

I am literally heartbroken about the whole ‘Ray’ thing and honestly don’t think I’ll ever see him in the same light.

I kinda hope Pam isn’t watching over him.

To be married to someone for nearly 50 years should mean so much more.

But from a selfish point of view, of course I miss her. There was no-one quite like her. To me she was one of the best people around. I could depend on her.

And right now I’m struck with the paranoia of ‘what if I can’t have children?’

I could have gone straight to her, in confidence and opened up my heart. She would’ve told it to me as it is and I’m sure provided more than a few comforting words.

I can’t do that with Ray. Not now.

I’ll never forget the look in her eyes when I took Ray a toblerone and Pam 2 bags of flying saucers from the sweet shop. You would think I had given her the world.

That’s the kind of person she was and I hope in some ways I will be somewhat like her.

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