Mum’s birthday weekend

Good weekend was had by all.

Feels like the hard work of pulling everything together was definitely worth it. I don’t have anything to plan now.

Another baby has been born and I couldn’t be happier for Alyssa and Tom. Its my turn now, right?
6 & 1/2 months on. Feels like I’m the only one trying too, Jonny doesn’t buy (or take!) vitamins and hasn’t stopped/reduced his alcohol intake (if anything it’s increased) and I feel like I’m doing more in the house.

I hope if we do get lucky, he’ll realise things have to change. 

I paid for a psychic reading. For me it didn’t matter that it might be all fake but it would relax me. She said I would fall pregnant from a cycle starting in February and find out in March. Well. My 40 day cycles fall in such a way that I won’t have cycle start in February. We’ll see. Would be wonderful if it did relax me enough for it to happen in the next couple of months *please*. I’m not sure I can deal with seeing many more babies or pregnancy announcements without my own

New Year

For some reason I have been super emosh since the start of 2015. My brain seems to be in reminisce mode – I think perhaps it’s linked to mums birthday. The people that would have been so excited about it are no longer here – grandma, grandad and Pam.

It also saddens me that Ray would have loved being involved – we would have been up there keeping him up to date, involving him. And he won’t be there.

I hope it doesn’t cast a shadow on mum’s birthday, I really do.

I find myself wanting to cry. A lot. It’s not like me at all.