Worried about the hubby

So one day on and we’re starting to function a bit more normally.  We’re still sad but not in shock sad.  It’s a sadness that’s almost hidden to the outside world (apart from the tears currently in my eyes, but not streaming down my face).

I’m worried about Jonny though.  I had a day yesterday of crying.  Pretty much all day actually.  I don’t recall the last time I was THAT sad and heartbroken.

People keep asking how I am.  I’m fine.  I’m dealing with it.  I generally have a fairly positive outlook on life so when I’ve dealt with the initial heartbreak, I can see a way out.

He keeps it inside and it eats away at him.  I keep asking if he’s ok.  No-one else really is.  They’re more concerned about me.  Yes it’s heartbreaking that I have a reminder of the crazy hormones I experienced for a week (through the coldsore on my face) and the bleeding (TMI… sorry).  But I knew this was coming.  My body told me which is why I think I’ve been able to start moving on.

Sure I’m not going to forget.  Now I have another reason to be sad on 6th January.  However, I now know my body works properly.  We just need to try again.  We were unlucky.  The odds are in our favour when we’ve got the timing right.

We just need to get back on that horse and try again.

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