It took a while but finally, last night, he was honest with me.
He’d been working from home this week – I thought simply because he didn’t want to go in. But he finally confessed. He didn’t want to be confronted with people asking how his weekend was, and if he was feeling better.
I think his grief was delayed as he stayed so strong for me last Thursday (wow… a week ago). So now because he didn’t deal with it immediately, it’s hanging around for longer.
I dusted myself off and faced the music but because I did it quickly, it wasn’t so hard. Like a plaster – just rip it off. The longer you hang onto it, the more it hurts. Because he’s been at home a few days, people will inevitably ask how he is.
My heartbreak has been brought to the fore today. I was due to attend a colleague’s afternoon tea baby shower. I simply cannot bring myself to go, as much as I would like to. She’s a lovely girl and I’m really happy for her. I just can’t put myself in that situation right now. Everything is far too raw and if I went I would feel guilty if I didn’t enjoy myself. It’s just better to avoid the situation right now.
I hope we do fall again, quickly. It will help heal our broken hearts at least a little bit. But like another blog I’ve read recently, we’ll never forget – it will just become a little easier to function.