Today I completed my midwife booking in form. I did another test on saturday morning (which was stronger than the others) before I dared fill it in.
So paranoid about jinxing it all.
I also booked an early scan for when I’m 8 weeks. The deposit was only £30 so if the worst should happen, I really won’t be worried about that money.
Sitting in bed I’m suddenly super sad. After we tell our parents and siblings, the next person I would have told would have been Pam. She would have known everything.
I don’t know if its my hormones but I’m struggling to hold back tears. There’s so many things I’ve wanted to share with her. I know my mum would have talked to her about our previous loss too.
I think that weighed heavy in my mum’s mind. She is so worried that all of the tests and injections she had when trying for me may have affected me in some way, that it brought all of those concerns to the front of her mind again.
I do worry about my mum. I also don’t want to disappoint her. We’re definitely keeping this as a secret if we can until we’ve been for the early scan.