New Year’s Eve (32w+1)

On the eve of the year I will (hopefully) become a parent, I felt it apt to summarise my year.

2015 started with hubby and I trying to conceive.  We were 7 months in, without a hint of success.
But we were thinking positive.

The next milestone was mum’s 60th birthday party that we had organised.  It was a blinding success even if I do say so myself.  We all had a blast.

The next milestone was 26 April.  Our first positive pregnancy test, a day before our 2nd wedding anniversary. The next day we went to Whipsnade Zoo for our wedding anniversary.  At this point we were happy to be celebrating both our wedding anniversary and baby.  It had taken us 11 months to get here.

Then we hit 7 May.  Election Day and the day our world fell apart.  We had an early miscarriage.
I don’t remember ever feeling so low.  It took a long while for us to come out of that low.
But we came out the other side stronger.

Then comes 20 June.  And I can’t quite believe my eyes.  We have another positive.

I tested every couple of days for a while.  I think I tested every Wednesday and Saturday until we got to at least 6 weeks.

At 8 weeks we booked to go for an early scan.  We heard our croissant’s heartbeat and saw something in my belly.  It was such a ‘pinch me’ moment.  It was the first time I saw hubby cry.
For us I think it was just the realisation that I could carry… at least for a few weeks.
It still seemed too good to be true.

We told our families the following day.  I don’t think they could believe it.

Going to our 12 week scan was the scariest.  We didn’t want this to be taken from us.  I was still paranoid that I couldn’t carry.

At 16 weeks I had a freak out.  Still my brain was telling me I couldn’t carry.  I was waiting for it all to go wrong but my midwife found the heartbeat.  Instant relief.

20 weeks was our anomaly scan – finally this thing in my belly is looking like a baby.  Woah… this was actually happening.

At 20w+3 we felt baby.  Recognisable kicks from the outside.  The most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.  I was addicted from that moment.

And here we are at 32w+2.  About to enter the year we’ll become parents.  About to hit baby no.1’s due date.

2015 was tough but amazing at the same time.  I am definitely stronger.
I’m sure 2016 will be just as tough but all the more amazing.

Bring on February so I can meet my baby.  The baby I’ve been carrying and preparing for life.


30w+6 – angry hormonal wreck

You read that pregnancy will turn you into a hormonal wreck.  What I’ve found is that my anger is limitless.  I used to be relatively calm – it would take a heck of a lot to take me over the edge.

But now.
Oh it doesn’t take a lot.  And it simmers for ages after too.

Today I was SO angry at work (I’m supposed to be a specialist and in theory, be listened to) but my Head of Service has decided to 100% dictate what can and cannot be done/changed meaning that I am just a Yes monkey to her.
I have no influence and there’s no trust that I might know what I’m on about.

So I started crying.  Beyond angry to where I just had to walk away from my laptop.  Luckily I’m at home so able to have some space but if I’d been in the office I would have made a fool of myself.  90 mins on and I’m still absolutely raging.  Things like this make me wonder if I even want to come back to this employment after maternity leave.

Why should I allow a job to make me feel this angry?!

Crazy pregnancy hormones with probably a hint of justification.

30 weeks

So we’re at the momentous 30 weeks.

It seems crazy how far along we are and that it’s actually the final countdown now.

The weeks are single figures.  Eek.
It’s suddenly a lot more real but at the same time, still a long way away.

29w+1 – the countdown

I’ve been putting off counting exactly how long I have left at work, simply because my maternity cover hadn’t been organised and it just hadn’t felt very real (we’re still in 2015, baby arrives in 2016).

But as yesterday I found out I have maternity cover and its someone already employed so I can start training them up, its started seeming a bit more real.

Days left until maternity leave: 26
Days in the office: 17
Day of annual leave remaining: 2

All seems very real with those numbers now.  I can’t wait.  I’m tired and just want to be able to relax.


The nesting seems to have begun.
Somewhat necessitated by the new upstairs carpet arriving on Tuesday BUT it has started.

I couldn’t simply put things in a box to be stored in the conservatory until Tuesday evening, oh no.  Everything had to be vetted – if we didn’t need it, its being thrown out.

I only wish I had the time today to clean out 2 further cupboards in the kitchen but I need to clean the bathroom and the rest of the kitchen so I need to prioritise.

But I know for sure, when I’m off over Christmas and then off for maternity leave, those cupboards WILL be dealt with, that’s for sure.

So lucky with my midwife (27w+6)

I know midwives and the NHS in general sometimes get a bit of a rough reputation but i’ve got to say, I’m super impressed with mine.

Sure she’s always late for appointments however, I ALWAYS see her, so even if she can’t remember my due date or whatever, I am building up a relationship with her and for a first time mum, that’s important.

She always takes the time to answer my questions and explains her responses fully. 

And I think she remembers I can be a bit anxious as she always goes out of her way to state I can see her either at the scheduled times, or any other times if I would prefer.

I realise I am very lucky but just wanted to put my thoughts out there.  I love the NHS.