19 days old

So my boy is 19 days old.

If someone had told me on his birth day that in less than 3 weeks I would be up and about I would have called them a liar.

Sure my episiotomy cut is still healing but I can just about sit normally and I’m not in pain.
Today I took him out by myself for the very first time.  We only went to the town to register him at the doctors, but I did it!

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I can’t believe the cut on his head from the forceps hasn’t healed yet though.  My poor boy still looks like he’s been in a brawl.

It’s weird being a mum.  I am so protective of my little human being already and I’ve only known him 19 days.
I can’t wait for my first smile.

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Baby blues

For some reason I feel the need to write a blog post about my baby blues.

Mine were short lived (so far) but I felt really down and out.
Recovering from forceps and episiotomy definitely made it worse for me.
Hormone levels changing, as well as a sense of uselessness were a sure fire route to the baby blues.

I have never felt so tired, sad, tearful and fearful in my life.
I didn’t want to touch/hold my baby boy – just the thought of it saddened me.

Today I feel I’ve turned a corner and actually WANT to be with him (even if it’s difficult/painful).

Hubby could also see what I’ve been like as he popped out to the shop…. and wanted to see how I would cope for an hour.  So even he could see how I’d been feeling (and not coping).

I can only imagine what it must be like to have a mini human relying on you when you have post-natal depression.

Mother’s Day

So today Theodore is 4 days old, and I get to celebrate my first Mother’s Day.  He’s laying in his bouncer in his Storm Trooper outfit sleeping soundly.

These past few days have definitely hurled me kicking and screaming into motherhood. 

After a fairly long (27 hours) labour start to finish – induction at 7.30am, giving birth at 10.53 am the next day with forceps and episiotomy it’s definitely not made my foray into motherhood easy. 
I’m hit by feelings of being inadequate.  I can’t walk properly or move quickly.  I can’t walk around with my baby boy,  I can’t react to him quickly, I struggle to sit up with him (and therefore burp him).

I’m sure considering the birth these are normal things, but for a person like me who is normally so independent it is ridiculously hard to let hubby look after me.

However I can now just about walk up and down the stairs, and am able to wash up without being in agony.  I can do some things.

Despite all of my whinging, I most definitely realise how lucky I am to be blessed with a child and my most amazing husband.
I definitely didn’t appreciate him enough prior  to giving birth. I will not take him for granted even again.  This experience has definitely brought us closer together and I know there’s no-one else out there for me.

My boy

Theodore Joseph made his very un-glamorous entry to the world today after an induction which lasted 30 hours, episiotomy and forceps.
My boy is a hefty 8lb3 – crazy when I’m 4ft11 weighing just 7st before pregnancy.

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I can’t wait to get home with him – I feel a bit ‘watched’ in hospital with him.

Hubby was ridiculously amazing the whole way through.  He did everything possible to make me comfortable, often leaving himself til last.  I’m currently awake on the ward with my boys either side of me.

I can’t believe how lucky I am.