Pelvic floor, second time around

At 17 weeks pregnant, my pelvic floor is already dead.  Kaput. May as well not exist.

I figured it might weaken but I didn’t think it would be THIS bad already.

Time to get on the pelvic floor exercises regularly to limit the permanent damage.

I’ll definitely get back to pilates again  as soon  as this one has been born.  I’m sure it’s the only way mine recovered this time. 

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Life’s too short

A close friend of mine has just found out her dad has cancer.  She is a fair bit younger than me, and her dad is a lot younger than mine.

It’s really made me realise how short life is and how much I need to appreciate it. Both of my parents are in their 60s. My grandad was pretty ill when he was in his 60s (although obviously didn’t show it to us grandkids). 

My dad used to smoke, a lot, and I’ve accepted that the news of cancer in the future is a very really possibility. 

The surprise news of baby no.2 has knocked me for six, but with my friends’ news it’s made me think a little harder about the frailty of life.  I seriously considered aborting this child but I wouldn’t have forgiven myself – Jonny wouldn’t have forgiven me either. Today we also got the results from our nuchal screening through and baby is low risk for Downs, Edwards and Patau sydrome. Baby is well and I’m accepting this news.  I take life and health for granted as so far, my immediate family is all really well.

Don’t take life for granted.  Grab it by the balls.

I am unhappy

There.  I said it.  Unhappy.

I’m sure I’m not overreacting in the reasons why I’m unhappy.  My friends agree with me that I shouldn’t stand for it, yet he makes me feel it’s all my fault.

When Theodore was born I said that I didn’t mind if he goes out to the pub or whatever in an evening – as long as Theodore is in bed.  Unless it’s for a specific occasion like a birthday or seeing someone he rarely sees.

Last night he’s out with my sister’s boyfriend.  He went home at 8.15 and hubby was supposed to come home then too (he said he would).  but he didn’t.  and didn’t tell me.  he eventually turned up at midnight.  after I’d had over 90 mins of hell with Theodore as he’s struggling to readjust to UK time.  Also turned out he had left Theodore in just a vest rather than pyjamas so the boy woke up freezing cold.

He’s now been mad all day and it’s all my fault as I’m apparently ruining our marriage.

And then he wanted to go out at 5pm to see my sisters boyfriend again.  So I got mad as he would be out over tea time, bath time and bed time.  Our original agreement.  And that I do ALL of that by myself every single day of the week.

He got shitty cos I got mad.  He’s now waited until Theodore is in bed until going out and decided to tell me as  he left that everything is my fault and I’m ruining it.  oh, and he might come home tonight or he might crash somewhere else.

He’s out most weekends (at least one evening), and every Thursday.

Regularly at weekends he comes home at 1am or later, drunk, meaning he can’t help with Theodore.  the only time he helps at night is on weekends.

He then doesn’t get up early to help with Theodore in a morning.  he will just get up at 10am or whatever.  Despite the fact I’ll have been battling morning sickness whilst getting Theodore breakfast and feeding the cat.

I’m sick of having to wake him up in the morning when he’s just started a new job and is the only money coming into our household – especially when  I don’t know if I will be going back to work between maternity leaves.

He blames me for not wanting to do anything sexual but I ONLY feel like his mother – cooking, cleaning, getting him up in the morning.  How am I supposed to be attracted to him when he treats me like this?!

I don’t want him to come home.  Maybe he should stay out and evaluate what he wants from a wife.

Who knows – maybe I’ll be a single mum of 2 babies under 15 months soon.

Baby no.2

I had my scan on Wednesday and discovered I was 13w+6, much to my surprise.

So baby 2 is due 1 June 2017. 

I still haven’t come to terms with it as it was such a surprise and I don’t know how I will cope.  But I’ll need to.

I’m a little worried about telling family this time around.  Especially as my sister is expecting her first in February.  I’m worried she will feel like I am stealing her thunder.  she was also going to borrow a lot of our stuff which might not be possible now.