Overdue baby blues 40+4

Is overdue baby blues a ‘thing’? If not, it should be.

The last 2 days have been ridiculously hard.  The whole way through pregnancy I’ve worked hard to keep my chin up – everything was always fine.
Now I feel like I’ve been hit by a ton of bricks.  I just want to sit and cry. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this uncomfortable in my life and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Perhaps that’s why.  I admit I’m somewhat of a control freak – I plan and organise.  I’m always early (or at the very least, on time).
So maybe my current blues is my brains way of having a strop that things aren’t going my way and perhaps I need to relax into it a bit.

I’m hoping that by doing some baking today I’ll relax and stop my brain from doing silly things.  At most, I’m 3 days away from meeting my baby (unless the hospital suddenly gets overrun by women in labour).  The end is in sight.

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20w+4

I thought hubby ‘got it’.  But he doesn’t.

Out with friends last night for a meal and went to their house to play monopoly.  Gets to about 10pm and I’m in pain from sitting on the edge of the sofa from playing the game so I attempt to text him asking if its cool if we head home soon.

He doesn’t see it.  I was obviously in pain but he was too concerned with winning the damn game to notice me.

This is the 2nd time I’ve been in pain and ready to go home on a night out that he just doesn’t seem to care/notice.

We got home at midnight.
I’m the one woken up by Bruce at 6.30 each morning.

He has no idea 😦 and I can’t see him changing his general attitude no matter how many times I talk to him.

Another milestone

Today I completed my midwife booking in form. I did another test on saturday morning (which was stronger than the others) before I dared fill it in.

So paranoid about jinxing it all.

I also booked an early scan for when I’m 8 weeks. The deposit was only £30 so if the worst should happen, I really won’t be worried about that money.

Sitting in bed I’m suddenly super sad.  After we tell our parents and siblings, the next person I would have told would have been Pam. She would have known everything.
I don’t know if its my hormones but I’m struggling to hold back tears.  There’s so many things I’ve wanted to share with her.  I know my mum would have talked to her about our previous loss too.

I think that weighed heavy in my mum’s mind. She is so worried that all of the tests and injections she had when trying for me may have affected me in some way, that it brought all of those concerns to the front of her mind again.

I do worry about my mum. I also don’t want to disappoint her.  We’re definitely keeping this as a secret if we can until we’ve been for the early scan.